You Can't Save the Spider *and* the Butterfly

kinlochhold:

Alistair: That’s rather an… intimate moment. We should probably sneak out again before they notice us standing here.
Warden: He’s wearing armour.
Alistair: Right. All the guards wear it. We should leave…
Warden: I mean… how? Is there a… access panel?
Zevran: Esme, you will find where there is a will, there is a way!
Warden: So its called a ‘will’? Does your armour have a will, Alistair? Show me!
Alistair: NO! Stop that! Hands off… did I really… say that? *sighs* Look. You are supposed to be a guard. A soldier. Not a…
Morrigan: Insane light-fingered nymphomaniac malificar?
Alistair: No! She’s not… insane. Not completely insane. She has… lucid moments. Rational ones, even. She had one… in Orzammar… no, that was Oghren. In Haven? Errr… that was me. In the werewolf ruins… I think that was Morrigan. At Ostagar…?
Zevran: What about Soldier’s Peak?
Alistair: No-one was rational there… At Redcliffe, maybe? Or was that Ginsberg…?
Warden: I can hear everything you’re saying, so why can’t Ser Let’s-Do-It and the lusty Ferelden maid hear us?
Alistair: Esme, we need to find Howe’s mage, open that door, and get Anora out of here! Before they hear us!
Warden: ‘Anora’? 
Alistair: Err, Queen Anora.
Warden: Do you think she’s prettier than me?
Alistair: I’ve… never even met her.
Warden: Do you think she sounds prettier than me?
Alistair: She sounds like a woman who wouldn’t stand here and watch someone else’s… intimate moment.
Zevran: Nicely done, Alistair. You not only avoided answering Esme’s question, you also reiterated your discomfort at our continued voyeurism in a fairly non-confrontational fashion.
Alistair: Her voyeurism, you mean. I’m totally not looking.
Warden: *cocks head to one side* Should I do that… hand thing?
Alistair: *cranes his neck* He seems to like it…
Morrigan: ‘Totally not looking’. *snort*

*dies laughing*